Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Housework can kill you if done right.
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.