This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky.
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.
Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.
I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach, holding hands. It was a nude beach, but we were the only ones wearing clothes. You wore a bikini, and I wore my dead grandma’s dress—with my grandma still in it.

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.
Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.
We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong.
If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?
I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.