After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.†“You do have that effect on people.
Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,†I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.
In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?
My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT
I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.