Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.