You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.