We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.
Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?" Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches.
I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover.
With eyes closed, a kiss is genderless. Now that mustaches are in fashion, some women are finding more hipster love.